Sailor and the 7 Ballz box cover


Available on VHS and DVD from Media Market Group.
60 minutes
Version I Watched: Subtitled in English
Objectionable Content: Explicit sexual content

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Sailor and the 7 Ballz

Nothing makes for good hentai fodder like parodying popular series, and what better series to parody than Sailor Moon? Heck, just the title alone makes this video look good for a laugh or two. Right? Right??

Well, not really.

First things first, since this is an unlicensed, low-budget hentai flick (this title actually redefines low-budget) don't expect anything redeeming about the production qualities. While most hentai anime usually suffer mediocre art and low frame rates, this title takes the cake. It's a strange blend of 3D rendered backgrounds and badly drawn character art being animated at about one frame a second. It's brutal. I guess given that it is unlicensed and has the exposition "pervert productions" on the video, I couldn't have expected much else.

The "story" involves a wedding between Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen. Apparently Kamen lives in some sort of castle (obviously near a military airfield; watch for the jet fighter flying overhead), and various characters show up and proceed to have sex with each other. Meanwhile, Kamen secretly watches on the security system while doing wrist exercises. At one point you even have Eva-01 and a Gundam robot going at it. That, I wasn't expecting. Anyway, eventually the wedding takes place, and Kamen goes to pop in a video he and Sailor Moon made. Actually, he pops in a quickie between Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter he just happened to record from the security cameras. Everyone sees this, of course, and then runs to various rooms of the castle to engage in procreation.

While Sailor Moon may grace the cover, you also have characters from Dragon Ball Z, Evangelion, Card Captor Sakura, Ranma 1/2, Trigun, Fist of the Northstar, and several other series, all doing the horizontal mambo (and many other positions). Unfortunately, while the whole novelty of watching these characters degrade themselves in various ways might seem so absurd that it's funny, this video doesn't offer much in the laugh department. For the first fifteen minutes, it's somewhat fun to giggle at the painful animation, goofy artwork, and utterly cheesy English lines from Kamen's Japanese voice actor (who also needs to not knock the mike so much). But as the video drags on, things go from amusing to downright boring. The coup de grace is this giant orgy between all the different characters, but it's not at all funny, certainly not attractive, and just drags on too long.

It's too bad the novelty of this title wears off so quickly. Something like this should be a laugh riot, but at a full hour running time, the title is already thirty minutes longer than it needed to be. There's just not enough to laugh at to make Sailor and the 7 Ballz worth its time.

The Verdict: * (awful)


Sailor and the 7 Ballz image
Sailor and the 7 Ballz image
Sailor and the 7 Ballz image
Sailor and the 7 Ballz image